NEW PATCH NOTES

[Gyon]

Internecine
Turalyon Humour Workshop (Beginner Level)



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Q u o t e:
With the Wrath of the Lich King expansion rapidly approaching the developers felt that this was a good time to address one specific aspect of the game which has long been in need of some major bug fixes and enhancements: namely the skills of the players themselves.

Accordingly Patch 2.5 has been developed to address some of these critical weaknesses in this area that have been adversely affecting the player community for a long time now. We hope that the changes will be welcome and will result in an improved gaming experience for all.

Dungeons and Raids


Players now only begin instances when they have the time to complete them.

Upon forming an instance group the players closest to the instance will immediately go there to summon other players rather than going AFK for 20 minutes and then returning to demand a summon themselves.

Players have learned to tell the difference between a picture of a coin and a picture of a six-sided die.

Players no longer become uncontrollably hysterical immediately upon seeing the colour purple appear in their chat log during an instance.

Questing


Players now briefly read quest instructions before commencing a quest rather than asking other players for information already contained in the quest instructions.

When forming ad hoc parties to complete a quest, all players now remain in the group until everyone has completed the quest instead of leaving the instant they are finished.

Players who see other players close to a named quest mob will now ask them to join a single party before entering combat.

World Environment


Players no longer mount up and stand on top of important NPC vendors and quest givers as they have realised how deeply annoying and unfunny this behaviour truly is.

Players who see another player fighting a mob immediately next to a Mining or Herb node will move on and look for a node of their own.

Fixed a bug where certain players with rare endgame raiding gear would spend a disproportionate amount of their time standing near the bank in Ironforge/Orgrimmar hoping to solicit "Nice Gear" whispers from strangers in the hope that this would fill some gaping void in their self-confidence.

Professions


Players have now chosen professions appropriate to the amount of time they wish to invest in this aspect of the game. For example players with little or no interest in trade skills have now taken Herbalism as they realise this can be levelled with virtually zero effort.

Players who have not raised any trade skills to the maximum level will no longer complain about being poor as they now realise this is entirely their own fault.

Chat


All players have now worked out how to use their Shift and Caps Lock keys appropriately.

The terms "pls, newb, lolz, ffs, no-lifer, casual and welfare" have been removed from the vocabulary of all players and consigned to the dustbin of gaming history where they so surely belong.

Players have stopped shouting "Leroy Jenkins" before commencing combat as everyone now realises that this was only ever funny once and that was a long time ago now.

Players now understand what the Local Defence channel is for and sometimes even use it.

All players now agree that pirates are better than ninjas and there is now no need to debate the matter further.

Class-specific Changes

Druids

All Druids have now worked out which spec they prefer and decided to stick with it.

Hunters

Hunters now never run out of ammo whilst in an instance as they have learned to accurately estimate and purchase the amount required before starting.

Hunters will no longer boast about being top of the dps meter during single target encounters as they have realised this is largely due to class design rather than player skill.

Hunters will no longer Misdirect mobs on to non-tank members of the party/raid unless everyone else in the party/raid will find the results hilarious.

Hunters are now able to accurately determine what is hunter loot and what is not.

Mages

Fixed a bug where Mages occasionally teleported themselves to a location instead of opening a portal the whole party/raid could use.

Fixed a bug where some Mages would routinely pull aggro and then Ice Block for laughs during instance runs; this will still happen occasionally but only where it is genuinely funny.

Paladins

Fixed an annoying bug where Holy Paladins would frequently respec Retribution after winning an epic 2-handed weapon in an off-spec loot roll.

Holy Paladins have had their boredom threshold raised considerably to ease the pain of spamming Flash of Light repeatedly for 4 hours at a time.

Priests

Fixed a bug where Holy Priests would sometimes finish the first boss kill during a raid top of the healing meter before loudly announcing to the raid that they still have their fishing rod equipped; this had been know to make other healers cry.

Holy Priests no longer roll on offspec loot and they now understand that they will not be allowed to respec, ever.

Rogues

All rogues have now taken the time to level lock picking to an appropriate skill level.

Fixed a bug where rogue players would occasionally attempt to cheat other players whilst relying upon the flimsy excuse that they are "Roleplaying an evil character".

Shamans

Shamans now remember to use their Heroism skill during important encounters rather than telling everyone afterwards how they forgot to do it again.

New Shamans will never attempt to use Frost Shock as part of their spell rotation as they have now read the tooltip.

Warlocks

Warlocks will now bother to learn how to summon all the demons available to their class before attempting high level instances.

Warlocks will now warn party members when they beginning to run low on Soul shards rather than waiting until they have run out completely.

Warriors

Warriors have had their intelligence buffed: We expect this change will result in a number of performance improvements and we will be actively monitoring the results to determine whether this was a good idea or not.

PvP/Battlegrounds


Players no longer go AFK during battlegrounds.

All players will now fully utilise the cost-free period before the start of a battleground to buff other members of their team.

All players in battlegrounds will now attempt to win.

Players in Battleground now communicate important information regularly and concisely such as the number of composition of enemy players approaching their location.

All players entering a battleground are now aware of the more common strategies both sides may attempt to use during the contest.

Players will now follow sensible instructions in all battlegrounds.

Players will no longer think that they are the best player in a battleground because they have managed to get to the top of the score board rather than playing the tactics necessary for their team to win.

Fixed an annoying chat bug where when losing a battleground players would fill up chat with accusations that the other players in their faction are all younger and/or less experienced than they are. This has freed up considerable player resources which can now be directed to trying to actually win.


Players in Arathi Basin will no longer fight on roads unless this is absolutely necessary.

Fixed a bug in Alterac Valley where some players would instantly run out of Galvanger's room upon reaching the top of his aggro list.

In Eye of the Storm players will no longer attempt to take the flag when your team has fewer than two bases.

PvP/Arena


Fixed a problem where some players would go to make a cup of tea/poptart 10 seconds before the start of an Arena contest and miss the invitation to join the match.

Fixed a problem where players would ask how many Arena points their particular Arena rating will earn; all players are now able to look this up for themselves.

Items


General Inventory: Players have now learned to remove from their inventory pointless quest items they have had since level 30: We estimate that approximately 250,000 spaces have been freed up from the deletion of Library Scrip items alone.

Fast Flying Mounts: Fixed a bug where players would repeatedly ask for the price of fast flying mounts to be lowered.

Piccolo of the Flaming Fire: Alliance players now use this item sparingly and generally when with friends, rather than running towards the nearest group of female Night Elves in a major city and spamming it repeatedly.

General


Player skills now scale correctly with character level.

[Cyberia]

I think these are fake.... we all know the next patch is 3.0.

Fixed a bug where Mages occasionally teleported themselves to a location instead of opening a portal the whole party/raid could use.

tfft... number of times I've done this..

[Billy]

worth a chuckle;)

[Gamberra]

[MindyMcfly]

They should add something that auto targets Dust's sheep and puts a dot on them.